So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
