all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
