I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
We named our party play list daddy issues
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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