I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
