btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize