i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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