I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
