What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
