My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
i wish my penis had a tongue
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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