If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
