therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Randomize
