drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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