2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
