What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
