Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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