So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
