So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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