Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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