Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
This is the high leading the old right now
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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