I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
