I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
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