So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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