the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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