I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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