Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
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