Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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