Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
