So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
