My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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