My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
