I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
