there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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