Please, let me fuck your mom
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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