lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
