When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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