My hair reeks of homosexuality.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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