I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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