she looked like the bat from fern gully.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
