Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
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