put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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