Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
