So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
