I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
