I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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