he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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