How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
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