i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
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