I didn't shave. On purpose
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
