who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
