I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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