it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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