I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize