So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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