I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
