Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
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