birth control should be required to get into college
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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