The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
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