Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Randomize
