is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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