got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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