haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
