The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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