I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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