I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
they need to just BURY HIM!
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
where does the pee come out of this thing
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
