what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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