I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize